


Xenophobia

by your_bro_joe



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Humor, M/M, Multi, Sexual Humor, Threesome - M/M/M, Xenophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-16
Updated: 2012-08-16
Packaged: 2017-11-12 06:20:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/487680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_bro_joe/pseuds/your_bro_joe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soldier comes to Heavy and Medic with a sexy proposition, but what are his motives?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Xenophobia

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by my friend Sarcasmosaur.

Soldier was obviously acting different lately. He seemed to be trying to be subtle about it, but as Soldier was about as subtle as an elephant in lead shoes, the entire team noticed the change in his behavior, specifically, in the way he was treating Heavy and Medic.

Hitting Heavy with the Disciplinary Action was something he’d already done regularly, but he had begun adding saucier and saucier comments to go with the slap. To be honest, Heavy was becoming a bit uncomfortable. As for Medic, the German could swear that, though Soldier’s eyes were barely visible beneath his helmet, the man _winked_ at him when thanking him for a heal.

When Heavy mentioned that “little Soldier was making with not good comments” toward him and Medic mentioned the American’s suggestive body language, they realized it had been happening to them both, and not to the others. Rather than ignore this bizarre behavior, they knew it would only get worse over time. Drastic measures would have to be taken.

They would have to _talk_ to Soldier.

“Well, well, well, to what do I owe this _pleasure_?” Soldier asked when he answered his door. He made a face somewhere between a smirk and a grimace that Medic later had to guess was his attempt at “seductive”.

“Your behavior toward us as of late has been untoward, Herr Soldier,” Medic quipped, hands clasped behind his back. Heavy towered behind him and nodded with a grunt.

“Little Soldier make strange comments to us and not to others. Why you do this?”

“Why don’t you gentlemen come in, and I’ll see if I can _lay out_ the situation for you?” Soldier replied, smirk-grimace getting wider as he stepped aside and gestured inside his dim room. Medic and Heavy exchanged glances. Heavy shrugged and Medic raised an eyebrow, then they entered.

“Sit down, boys, take a load off,” Soldier motioned to his bed this time, as there was only one chair in his room, and Americans sit in _chairs_ , goddammit.

They did, and Medic cleared his throat, becoming more put-off by the second by Soldier’s behavior.

“So what _is_ the situation, Herr Soldier?” he asked, smoothing out his coat.

“You two are fuckin’, aren’t ya?”

Medic’s eyes looked like they were going to fall out of his skull. Heavy put a possessive hand on Medic’s knee. “This is no business of yours,” he replied, voice low and dangerous. Soldier laughed.

“Oh, calm down, Red, I’m not gonna tell you it’s sinful or unnatural or any of that bullshit. In fact…” he peered at them from under the rim of his helmet, “I was wondering if you’d be willing to let me get a piece of the action.”

“What!” Medic practically squeaked. Heavy’s hand tightened.

“What you mean?”

“You know, have a little manger-e-three.”

“Ménage à trois,” Medic corrected absently.

“Yeah, that,” Soldier replied, leaning back in his chair and grinning like a maniac. “So what d’you fellas say?”

“Are you mad?” Medic muttered, apparently thinking it was some sort of bizarre joke.

“Why would you ask this?” Heavy glared at the American, eyes narrowed.

Soldier looked annoyed for a moment, rolling his eyes at the pair and leaning forward. “Look, maggots, I don’t know how you two got lucky enough to get each other, but us three are the only cock-suckers on this team, and I for one am horny as hell! So unless one of you wanted to go it alone with me, I figured I should ask you both at once.” He sat up straighter, crossing his arms. “Come on, what have you got to lose?”

Heavy and Medic exchanged glances again, seemingly having a telepathic conversation. Medic looked worried, Heavy looked wary, but they eventually turned back to Soldier with little resigned sighs and shrugs.

“I suppose,” Medic sighed, leaning against Heavy, “but we must lay down rules: no biting hard enough to draw blood, no excessively rough play, no going in dry, no ass-to-mou—”

“You worry too much, Fritz, let’s get down to business,” Soldier cut him off, plopping his helmet onto his desk and stripping off his jacket and shirt to reveal his toned stomach and graying chest hair.

“Right now?!” Medic cried.

“Why? You got something better to do?” Soldier asked as he unbuckled his belt.

“I… I suppose not, but…” he looked rather helplessly at Heavy, who shrugged at him and removed his bandolier.

“Is better to just get over with,” the Russian supplied, then started to strip off his vest and shirt.

Medic looked back and forth between the two burly, stripping men. While he had often fantasized about being taken by two men at once, he was having a hard time overlooking the fact that one of them was Soldier, of all people. Still, perhaps when they were all naked and touching each other’s intimate places, he could pretend the other man was not completely insane.

Then he saw the American pull out his crop.

“The safe word is weinerschnitzel!” Medic shouted with authority to the room at large, and Soldier grinned that manic grin again, made all the more unsettling now that he was completely naked and his eyes were visible.

“Sure thing. Now c’mere, Sally,” he laughed, tapping the crop against his palm.

Heavy had managed to disrobe as well and grabbed his doctor, who was still fully dressed. “Is okay, Doctor, you know I keep you safe,” he said softly, kissing him while unbuttoning the white coat.

“Ja, I know,” Medic replied, helping his lover remove his clothing. Soldier tapped his foot impatiently.

“You’re not going to leave me in the cold here are you?” he grunted, stepping behind Medic. “Aren’t you supposed to know how to share, commie?” Heavy glared at him, but Soldier paid him no mind, licking the shell of the German’s ear. Medic shuddered at the feeling. It wasn’t something Heavy did often, and the novel sensation was arousing. “You like that, don’t you, Fritz?” he whispered, licking more insistently and reaching around Medic’s front to play with a nipple. Medic moaned. “Yeah, you Nazi son of a bitch. You wanna be conquered, don’t you?”

Medic’s eyes shot open and he half-turned his head. “What are you—” but he was cut off by Soldier’s tongue in his mouth. Medic thought maybe he could let it slide for now. Soldier tasted odd, but not bad, and his large hand felt nice on his chest, and— _THWACK_.

Medic jerked his head back when the crop hit his bare ass. “You—”

“Yeah, surrender to the hegemony, Kraut!” Soldier whooped, then hit him again. Medic tried to leap away, but Soldier, while shorter, was definitely stronger than him. “What about you, Ivan? You gonna help, or are you gonna go all soft on me? We’re allies, y’know. Gotta defend freedom! But don’t turn on me this time and become a namby-pamby—”

Soldier crumpled to the floor in pain. Medic had managed turn enough in his grip to knee him in the balls.

“I should have known this was part of some bizarre delusion,” he said smoothly, adjusting his glasses. “We are not part of your stupid war game, Soldat,” he spat, putting his trousers back on. “Come, Heavy. We can continue this more pleasantly in our room.”

“Da, Doctor,” Heavy replied, putting his own pants back on and gathering the rest of their clothing, giving Soldier a swift kick in the ass on his way out.


End file.
